OK Cupid comebacks I never said

I just got a message that said, "I would so be your bitch."

And I want to write back, "If I wanted a bitch, I would be a lesbian," but I'm not that mean in real life.  

Emails to Friends

Recapping my night...



So,  as you know from my text last night, me and John Doe did not end up knockin boots (sorry Kristin - I meant making out :)).  

WHY?  Well, my overall consensus is that I think he was just thirsty for conversation with people who are doing things and are about something other than being in VIP at couture. He and I talked for hours about spirituality, goals, dreaming big, hard times and what they mean.  As he dropped me off I said, "Did you want to come in?" 

And he was like, "No I need to get to bed, but we'll hang out again before you leave."  

Then later we texted a bit and he was like, "Next time I'll take the invite in."

So maybe he just had to poo.

Red Flag

Let's talk about boys taking shirtless pictures of themselves in the mirror and then posting it on Instagram.  I don't care how awesome your body is, man, you look like an idiot. 

I guess there isn't much more to say except if I ever have a boyfriend and I see said post on Instagram, it is most definitely grounds for a break up. 

How do you say...

Lately, I've had some really great offers for sex. I'm talking, the guys that are offering (not in a creepy way, just you know, letting me know, that it's on the menu if I choose to order) are handsome, professional, funny - all in all, pretty decent guys.

However, as much as I want to order off the menu....appetizers, dinner and dessert - I find myself in limbo.  I'm getting to the stage in my life where I'm trying to do things differently.  As you might have guessed from the title of this blog, I'm in the market for a boyfriend, but have no idea what I'm doing.  I do know this: What I've done in the past has definitely not worked. (I may have been kind of slutty in my past- or if we want to say it in a nicer manner, I've never hesitated to order off the menu if something looks delicious).  Needless to say, past = doesn't work --> me= in limbo.

I am finding that the most awkward part of this is explaining to said handsome man why I'm not going to just order off the menu.  Here is my thought process.  1) I think this person has potential and I'd like to get to know this person and order off the menu later.  2) If i tell this person "NO" right off the bat, they are going to think I have no interest what-so-ever and move along. 3) How do I tell this person that I want them to just keep trying after I say no like three times, and then they'll probably get what they want. 3b) But if we start liking each other in the meantime, that's what I really want. 4) disclaimer: if I don't end up liking this person, this person is definitely not getting what he wants.

To wrap this all up without sounding totally obsessive and neurotic is a tough chore.

I know you are probably shaking your head right now and saying, "Girl, just say, 'I'm interested, but not in ordering off the menu right away'." (side note: if you haven't caught on yet, when I'm saying "ordering off the menu" I'm definitely talking about having sex).


Well back to what you were saying; Believe me, I've tried saying, "I'm interested, but I'm not going to sleep with you right now,"  and it doesn't work.  So the NEXT thing people tell me is, "Well, he's just an a$$hole, you shouldn't want to date him anyway."  Cute, real cute advice.  Let me tell you, reader, that if we thought every dude that wanted to sleep with us was an a$$hole, we'd really have no viable men left. And if a man, or anybody for that matter, is feeling some strong chemistry, there will be some physical flirtation, and somebody will make a move.  Unfortunately in my experience, I've noticed that men don't have much of a grey area.  It's either all or nothing once the blood starts flowing - and no, that one wasn't an analogy.


I really, don't have an ending to this story this time; just confusion mostly on how in the heck do I deal with this situation?


Sound advice gladly accepted. 

A haiku

Today's great moment
When the twenty-three year old
Stopped by to say hi

change of direction

When I started this blog about a year ago, I really really really just wanted a boyfriend.  Lots of things have happened in the last year to make me change my mind.  It's not really that I DON'T want a boyfriend now, I've just lost the faith that a boyfriend is the answer.  A little late in life to realize this, but here I am, realizing it.  Unfortunately, the TITLE of the blog is boyfriend training wheels.  I can't really change the title without starting a new blog, but I think I can refocus the meaning of "boyfriend training wheels."

A year ago I was intent on finding a boyfriend, just purely for the experience of it.  What I've realized is that it's totally overrated.  I've also realized that when I date people, I am not the me I know and love.  My best self-reflecting guess to explain that phenomenon is because I have spent most of my adult life as a single, and therefore am most comfortable being so.

I'm also a people pleaser, so when other people enter the picture, my desire to please takes over and I end up focusing less on what I truly want, and instead defer to making sure others are comfortable.  This may seem like an insecure thing to do, but let me put it in another context and maybe you won't judge me so much about it.  Last night I and three friends were eating at a quaint Thai restaurant.  It was a home-like setting, so imagine sitting in somebody's dining room only instead of one table, there are about ten.  One of my friends has a 9 month old baby. Baby did so great during the entire meal (which was about 2 hours long) but at the end started to get fussy.  Like a tea kettle on the burner, she got more and more heated up until she reached full screaming status. The mom, apparently used to this sort of thing was not phased.  I, however, was immediately stressed out and concerned that we were ruining everybody elses dining experience and took Baby outside to wail her head off out there. So there's the prime example: first thought, uh oh, everybody elses experience is ruined.  It had nothing to do with what they were going to think of me or my group of friends, if they hated us, if they were angry toward us; I just generally didn't want to disturb them.  This kind of thinking translates to my dating life as well.  Bad news.

So, instead of continuing on the quest to find a boyfriend, I think I'll change my quest to figure out how I can reconcile this reaction to others, especially in a dating environment.  The first solution I'm going to try out is "friends first." Anybody who is interested in me has to cross the moat of friendship before they get a crack at dating me.  I'm honest with my friends, and I'm myself with my friends.  If I'm only friends with a guy, there is a higher chance I'll see his true colors early on, and he'll really get a true look at who I am off the bat.

Sorry, this entry is neither funny nor entertaining, but I had to get it out there.

How to Flirt 101

I workout on a weekly basis with my good friend Bill.  He's a successful 60 year old man with a corny, yet endearing sense of humor.  He makes friends with anybody and everybody.

Bill and I worked out today at 24 Hour Fitness.  I always tend to scope out the gym and guide us toward the machines next to the cutest guys.  Today there happened to be three guys working out together.  One of them I recognized as an acquaintance's boyfriend, the second a tall and handsome guy in a Yale shirt, and the third a couple notches away from Trey Songz.  I had my eye on the third guy, but didn't make any eye contact.  You see, I was looking a hot mess, and didn't think that trying to get anybody's attention was in my best interest.  Bill and I completed a couple sets of seated rows then headed across the gym to the free weights.  Much to my delight, the gentlemen's workout led them right to our area.  I kept making failed attempts at flirting by looking at Pseudo-Trey, then looking quickly away.  Let me tell you, that will NEVER work...EVER. Bill must have noticed my failed attempts because he picked up on the vibe and said to the guy in the Yale t-shirt, who happened to be writing down their workout, "Leave it to the guy from Yale to log the workout a notebook."

Kudos, Bill, Kudos!  What an excellent opening.  We all chuckled, and Mr. Yale made a cute joke about making a spreadsheet about it later. Well, now that I think about it, it may not have been a joke.  Bill keeps the small talk going and finds out that Mr. Yale is finishing up his Ph.D. in History and plans to become a professor.  A little while later, Bill loudly starts talking about how he's going to find me a dork, and set me up with one of his neighbors.  Bill is goooood.  Man with just that one over-pronounced comment, he alerted the fellas that I was single, looking, and that I liked dorks aka smart people.  I picked up what Bill was laying down and loudly replied that I didn't like just any dork, but cute and funny dorks.

It might have been my over-active imagination of making things up, but not long after that I swear that Pseudo-Trey started finding openings for some pretty funny one-liners.

Nothing beyond that happened, but hopefully next time I run into my gym guy, I can start a good conversation and get a little further, i.e. asked out on a date or something.

I definitely took notes on Bill's easy conversation starters;  I'll let you all know when he begins giving workshops.