Fast Foward

Over the last two months, I haven't really caught up with updating this blog.  I intend to catch you up to present day in one post.  Here it goes:

From the last post, 2 for 2, you met Red Cup, my Sunday night date.  Well the very next night I had a date with Jeremy Cornmaze.  It didn't spark quite as much so I never called him again, nor he me.

And so, the sparkle continued between me and Red.  We hung out a whole lot.  We have a TON in common.  He thinks I'm funny and laughs at my jokes.  We seemed to be on relationship road, asking tons of personal questions and answering honestly (hopefully).  We opened up - shared some great quality time.  I heard from him multiple times each day via email, text, or chat.
Come last weekend.  After a bit upswing in relationshipy-type-activity, then a big downswing in relationshipy-type-activity, I got brave and started a really awkward conversation.

awkward conversation including - 1) "do you like me?" and 2) "are we exclusive?"

yep, it was about as painful as it sounds. so here are the answers, 1) "yes" and 2) "no"

we basically figured out that Red, who was fresh out of a relationship when I met him, is alll about being single, and I, who have been single for the last 7 or so years, am looking for a relationship. We acknowledged that and also that we liked each others' company, so there's that.  so now, with him, I feel like I am in the same place one goes when he's waiting for God to tell him if he can get into heaven or not.  Waiting sucks.

But in the meantime, while Red figures out that being single isn't all it's cracked up to be  (believe me, I know), I'm going to make the most of being single.  They say in your 30's women hit their prime - well, I'm not sure if "they" say that, but I think I'm going to start saying that, because it makes me feel better. 

And we've come back full circle to the beginning - back to the single, dating life.  Wish me luck on this go-around.

The Day After...

The following day, Sunday, I friend requested my new acquaintances.  All were super cute, successful, creative and fun people.  One of my new FB friends immediately emailed me.  Since he was wearing a shirt with a red cup on the front, I'll refer to him from here on out as Red Cup or RC, or Red, whatever sounds the best. Red Cup and I quickly exchanged numbers and continued the conversation via text and he invited me to happy hour/ dinner that night.  Well, he invited me to hawaiian food referencing a conversation we had the night previous, and I suggested Happy hour at PCG to get their yummy HH burgers and fries.

We agreed on 6pm and met there. Oddly enough we arrived in the parking lot at the EXACT same time and and parked 1 spot away from each other.  Technically I arrived right after him, because I actually followed him into the parking lot.  How would I know this, you ask?  Well I recognized his car...and not because I saw it the night previous...it's because I did my research like any safe single girl should do before going out on a date and Googled earlier in the day.  What I found out is that he drove a black Chrysler with rims and vanity plates.  Though I'm not one to LOVE vanity plates, and after registering my own car this year, and realizing the extra effort it takes to actually get them, I tried not to judge him for it.  At least he only has his middle name on there, instead of something horrible like "YUH8TEN."  Also, I'm not a huge fan of the quintessential professional black guy car, but he did purchase a couple years ago - in his mid-20's - so he gets a pass.  I have faith that if he buys a car in his 30's he'll surely know what to get, because as Jay-Z say's in his song "30 Something," he's young enough to know the right car to buy but old enough not to put rims on it.  But even so, we have two lessons here, 1) don't judge a book by it's cover and 2) Google is still the number 1 search engine. I'll probably add a third lesson to this list if he ever finds this blog and reads about how much I don't prefer his car, and that lesson will be, think of better pseudonyms for your characters.

We went in, sat, ate, drank, laughed and talked about everything over a course of three hours.  The biggest stand outs in my mind are our similarities regarding ambition, sense of humor and general disposition.  He laughed at my jokes and boosted my ego. 

Even though we had just spend three hours talking, we only had two drinks, so we decided to continue our "date" at Mint 820.  We each got one more drink, which he paid for.  After another hour of joking and laughing, the bar was closing, so we called it a night.  At the corner of the block, where we had to part ways, I gave him a lingering hug.  We separated but not completely and experienced the moment where you each think, "Should I?" Neither of us went in for the kiss.  I was holding steady, willing myself to not make the first move. 

But in the what seemed like forever before we pulled apart, I reminisced on the evening.  On the total of four hours that flew by and about how much laughter we shared. 

I was beaming on the way home.  I was happy to have shared a perfect evening with superb company, who was also quite handsome.

The successful column is making some headway :)
successful = 3
unsuccessful = still too many

2 for 2

Picking up where I left off, I went out the next night (Saturday) to a friend's going away party.  The venue was low-key with some friends and some strangers - who ended up being friends.  Keeping with my open-minded theme for the weekend, I talked with everybody.  I was actually having so much fun that I didn't even realize if i was or wasn't "looking"  I was just enjoying company, like minded individuals, good music and bailey's&hennessey.

After hopping around between a couple bars, making new friends, and visiting old ones, I decided to head home.  Though no number's were exchanged, I still consider this night at least 1/2 a success because I had such a freaking good time.

Playing Catch Up

Well, as you might have noticed,  it's been a while since my last post.  It's not for lack of news, it's because I'm lazy.  It takes work to be funny/clever/witty, and I just haven't had the motivation.  But, since I've gained some followers - I think I'm up to about 6 or 7 now - I figured I owed my loyal readers some updates.  Even though real life is way ahead, I think I'll post as if the things I haven't posted about in the last month are happening now.   Just go along with it.

Let's start on Random Friday 4 weeks ago.  I think the date would be Oct 22, 2010.

The Rosebuds danced at the Winterhawks game, and afterward, we danced at Dixie...in sparkly silver booty shorts.  I was in a good mood this weekend, and decided to be extra open-minded.  Usually at a bar, some random dude will make some sort effort to try and talk to me; and usually it's awkward dancing or lame one-liners, but even so, like I said...I wanted to be EXTRA open-minded.  At Dixie - after dancing on the bar and then changing into regular clothes - I was just chatting up some girlfriends when a guy came up and asked me to dance.  He was marginally attractive, definitely not tragic, though his light wash jeans and Affliction-inspired button up, complete with mismatching shoes and skinny tie weren't the most alluring.  Even so, I accepted the invitation and headed to the dance floor.  Two songs (and two floundering dances) later, I decided to head back to my bar stool.

I was proud of myself for not being a total jerk to that guy, even though his outfit was horrible, and his dancing was even worse.  I actually had an okay time through the two songs.  I sat there, proud, sipping my drink when yet another guy comes up with approach in hand.... "Why do you look so sad?"

I reply, "I'm not sad, my feet just hurt, I've been dancing all day."

He, obviously skeptical of my response and clearly not believing that I had indeed been dancing all day retorts, "Yeah, my feet are really sore too! I went to the corn maze this afternoon...I was in that thing forever!"

I giggle and respond, "Yeah, sounds rough!  I guess that's why they call it a maze."   I was actually pretty pleased with my clever comeback, and wondering where this cute youngster would take the conversation to next.  He exceeded all my expectations with, "Yes, it was a-MAZE-ing."

SOLD.

Cornmaze Jeremy and I danced and joked around all night, each trying to out wit the other.  He asked me (successfully) for my number and invited me on a date.  Winning line of the night?  Well, fellas, not sure if this will work for everybody, but it worked this time.  He offered me a sip of his drink with a simple, "Want a drink?"  I nodded yes.  As he held out his drink for me to sip from he said, "first a sip then a kiss."  It caught me just enough off-guard, that I really didn't have time to think of a reason why not.  Done and Done.  Successful Friday night!  Open-mindedness pays off!

Unsuccessful = 15????
Successful = .........1!!!!!!

Progress!

Perfecty played, but lost in overtime

Short version?  A cute IT guy came into work to give me a presentation of the latest promotional product.  Because I thought he was cute, I decided to email him.  After consulting with friends and co-workers, I came up with this final version and sent it:

Hi Dave,

it was really nice to meet you yesterday; thanks for stopping by to go through the system.  I’ll show my boss this afternoon so you can have the demo space back.    

Also, I don’t know if you've ever been to a Winterhawks game before, but I have 2 extra tickets for this Saturdays game if you’re interested.  I’ll be dancing that night (I’m on the dance team for the Winterhawks) and if you’ve never seen ice dancing, you don’t want to miss it. 

Thanks again and hopefully I'll see you sometime soon.

He responded with:

Hi Stephanie,

I would LOVE to see a game.  I've been to a few Winterhawks games before but it's been a few years.  Ice dancing is new and intriguing...

It was my pleasure to talk to you yesterday.  Let me know if you have any questions, want another demo for your boss, etc.

YIPPEE!!!!  After more consultation, and filtering down MANY options, I settled on this response:

Sounds great!  I’ll leave your tickets in Will Call – the game is at 7 in the Rose Garden. I'll be on the concourse before the game, so if you see me, please say hello! Here’s my cell if you have any trouble with the tix 208.630.4132.

 See you there :)

-Stephanie

In addition to this, I left a small note in the will call envelope saying something to the effect of:

My parents are in town this weekend, otherwise I'd invite you to a drink after the game.  Next game for sure! Hope you Enjoy!

Which brings us to today. I JUST received an email from Dave saying:

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks for the tix to Saturday's game - the Rosebuds put on a great show!  There was certainly a lot of enthusiasm in our section when you guys were on the floor.  It was too bad we couldn't hold on to the lead to the end.  It's been several years since I attended a Winterhawks game and that was the first down-to-the-wire shootout I've seen.  

 THE END. 

I guess another one bites the dust, but I can take comfort in the fact that I put forth the effort and played my part perfectly.  I'll chalk it up to practice, I guess.

Missed opportunity

Sometimes for insight, I'll read back through my previous writings.  I like to recall where certain situations  started, the drama I felt within that moment, and then gain perspective from the present.  A certain situation I recently read about hasn't offered me much growth, only a bit of distance.
I was hit with the bittersweet pang of nostalgia and wanted to share this particular unsent letter:

Last week when everybody left
and I gave you a ride home,
your hand brushed mine -
though you kept it light.

My mind wandered
and I could barely keep my cool.

I said nothing in response to your small talk and
kept my breathing steady.

But when I looked over
and glimpsed your smile,
the flashbacks of what we could've been
replayed in my mind -
my fantasies of you and I together
laughing, dancing, loving, sexing
ugh, you had no idea.
you just kept us in reality.

Because you've already got a girl
and would do her no wrong,
and I don't want to intrude,
but I want you know that I wish you would've waited for me.

In the midst of your small talk you mentioned one thing that stuck in my head.
You said, "You and me - we're too late."

too late.

It's been a while...

It's been a while for a lot of things.  1) a blog post, 2) a feeling of security, 3)(the reason for this blog) a Boyfriend.

So as we can guess by now, I've given up on the idea of of dropping my phone number off with a random stranger.  I can't explain why that method isn't for me other than it isn't.  If I had to pinpoint the reason, I'd say it's probably because I'm beyond the phase in life where I'm fooled by good looks and I'm onto the phase of life where making me laugh can be the sexiest thing a man can do. A drive-by number-drop only takes into account looks, which I'm only semi interested in these days.

Now that I've abandoned my original assignment, where does this leave me?  I'll tell you where - in the uncomfortable land of self-reflection and changing old habits.  eek.  With some thorough pondering, I've figured out that I'm missing the skill set that clues guys I'm interested in into the fact that I am indeed, interested.  I'm also missing the skill set that guides me not toward the left-hand turn leading to the Land of Friendship, or the right hand turn directed toward Fun Buddy Island, but to the road straight down the center to Boyfriendville.  I clearly can't get from point A to BF (insert bad joke sound effect).

How's that for self-reflection?  (Okay, I can't take full credit, I've had some consultants weigh in on my insufficiencies).

Onto developing skill sets:  These skills, the ones that allow me to be normal, rather than completely awkward and unsure around love-interests, are the hardest skills for me to acquire.  I'm not quite sure when I became my own worst enemy, but I can see clearly that while I love the way my mind thinks in general work and social situations, when it comes to matters of the heart, my mind  paralyzes me.

Protecting my ego, preserving friendships, the fear of making somebody else uncomfortable...all reasons I've second - and third - guessed myself and my actions.  I worry about everything, all while ensuring my protective armor is in tact so I won't be made a fool.  I long to feel the way Beyonce portrays in Halo:  "Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down, and they didn't even put up a fight."  Can it really be that easy - or (more realistically) is that just good songwriting?

I see budding relationships everyday and wonder what the heck other girls are doing that I'm not.  Are they being verbally open with their feelings, texting more, being more available, brushing, touching, hinting more?  And at what point do those actions become pleas of desperation or considered too forward?  How might one know if these advances are welcomed?  I tell you what, I have no freaking clue.  I have quite possibly the WORST radar on the planet.  I think my success rate at guessing if people like me or not is probably around 5%, if even that high.  The guys that I think are all in and have  tons of potential really only think of me as just a friend - ugh. The ones that may actually like me for a bit, get shunned because it's not painted clear as day for me.  But of course, I'm not quite sure of this because again, my radar is broken.

*BIG SIGH.  I'm signing off here.