Playing Catch Up

Well, as you might have noticed,  it's been a while since my last post.  It's not for lack of news, it's because I'm lazy.  It takes work to be funny/clever/witty, and I just haven't had the motivation.  But, since I've gained some followers - I think I'm up to about 6 or 7 now - I figured I owed my loyal readers some updates.  Even though real life is way ahead, I think I'll post as if the things I haven't posted about in the last month are happening now.   Just go along with it.

Let's start on Random Friday 4 weeks ago.  I think the date would be Oct 22, 2010.

The Rosebuds danced at the Winterhawks game, and afterward, we danced at Dixie...in sparkly silver booty shorts.  I was in a good mood this weekend, and decided to be extra open-minded.  Usually at a bar, some random dude will make some sort effort to try and talk to me; and usually it's awkward dancing or lame one-liners, but even so, like I said...I wanted to be EXTRA open-minded.  At Dixie - after dancing on the bar and then changing into regular clothes - I was just chatting up some girlfriends when a guy came up and asked me to dance.  He was marginally attractive, definitely not tragic, though his light wash jeans and Affliction-inspired button up, complete with mismatching shoes and skinny tie weren't the most alluring.  Even so, I accepted the invitation and headed to the dance floor.  Two songs (and two floundering dances) later, I decided to head back to my bar stool.

I was proud of myself for not being a total jerk to that guy, even though his outfit was horrible, and his dancing was even worse.  I actually had an okay time through the two songs.  I sat there, proud, sipping my drink when yet another guy comes up with approach in hand.... "Why do you look so sad?"

I reply, "I'm not sad, my feet just hurt, I've been dancing all day."

He, obviously skeptical of my response and clearly not believing that I had indeed been dancing all day retorts, "Yeah, my feet are really sore too! I went to the corn maze this afternoon...I was in that thing forever!"

I giggle and respond, "Yeah, sounds rough!  I guess that's why they call it a maze."   I was actually pretty pleased with my clever comeback, and wondering where this cute youngster would take the conversation to next.  He exceeded all my expectations with, "Yes, it was a-MAZE-ing."

SOLD.

Cornmaze Jeremy and I danced and joked around all night, each trying to out wit the other.  He asked me (successfully) for my number and invited me on a date.  Winning line of the night?  Well, fellas, not sure if this will work for everybody, but it worked this time.  He offered me a sip of his drink with a simple, "Want a drink?"  I nodded yes.  As he held out his drink for me to sip from he said, "first a sip then a kiss."  It caught me just enough off-guard, that I really didn't have time to think of a reason why not.  Done and Done.  Successful Friday night!  Open-mindedness pays off!

Unsuccessful = 15????
Successful = .........1!!!!!!

Progress!

Perfecty played, but lost in overtime

Short version?  A cute IT guy came into work to give me a presentation of the latest promotional product.  Because I thought he was cute, I decided to email him.  After consulting with friends and co-workers, I came up with this final version and sent it:

Hi Dave,

it was really nice to meet you yesterday; thanks for stopping by to go through the system.  I’ll show my boss this afternoon so you can have the demo space back.    

Also, I don’t know if you've ever been to a Winterhawks game before, but I have 2 extra tickets for this Saturdays game if you’re interested.  I’ll be dancing that night (I’m on the dance team for the Winterhawks) and if you’ve never seen ice dancing, you don’t want to miss it. 

Thanks again and hopefully I'll see you sometime soon.

He responded with:

Hi Stephanie,

I would LOVE to see a game.  I've been to a few Winterhawks games before but it's been a few years.  Ice dancing is new and intriguing...

It was my pleasure to talk to you yesterday.  Let me know if you have any questions, want another demo for your boss, etc.

YIPPEE!!!!  After more consultation, and filtering down MANY options, I settled on this response:

Sounds great!  I’ll leave your tickets in Will Call – the game is at 7 in the Rose Garden. I'll be on the concourse before the game, so if you see me, please say hello! Here’s my cell if you have any trouble with the tix 208.630.4132.

 See you there :)

-Stephanie

In addition to this, I left a small note in the will call envelope saying something to the effect of:

My parents are in town this weekend, otherwise I'd invite you to a drink after the game.  Next game for sure! Hope you Enjoy!

Which brings us to today. I JUST received an email from Dave saying:

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks for the tix to Saturday's game - the Rosebuds put on a great show!  There was certainly a lot of enthusiasm in our section when you guys were on the floor.  It was too bad we couldn't hold on to the lead to the end.  It's been several years since I attended a Winterhawks game and that was the first down-to-the-wire shootout I've seen.  

 THE END. 

I guess another one bites the dust, but I can take comfort in the fact that I put forth the effort and played my part perfectly.  I'll chalk it up to practice, I guess.

Missed opportunity

Sometimes for insight, I'll read back through my previous writings.  I like to recall where certain situations  started, the drama I felt within that moment, and then gain perspective from the present.  A certain situation I recently read about hasn't offered me much growth, only a bit of distance.
I was hit with the bittersweet pang of nostalgia and wanted to share this particular unsent letter:

Last week when everybody left
and I gave you a ride home,
your hand brushed mine -
though you kept it light.

My mind wandered
and I could barely keep my cool.

I said nothing in response to your small talk and
kept my breathing steady.

But when I looked over
and glimpsed your smile,
the flashbacks of what we could've been
replayed in my mind -
my fantasies of you and I together
laughing, dancing, loving, sexing
ugh, you had no idea.
you just kept us in reality.

Because you've already got a girl
and would do her no wrong,
and I don't want to intrude,
but I want you know that I wish you would've waited for me.

In the midst of your small talk you mentioned one thing that stuck in my head.
You said, "You and me - we're too late."

too late.

It's been a while...

It's been a while for a lot of things.  1) a blog post, 2) a feeling of security, 3)(the reason for this blog) a Boyfriend.

So as we can guess by now, I've given up on the idea of of dropping my phone number off with a random stranger.  I can't explain why that method isn't for me other than it isn't.  If I had to pinpoint the reason, I'd say it's probably because I'm beyond the phase in life where I'm fooled by good looks and I'm onto the phase of life where making me laugh can be the sexiest thing a man can do. A drive-by number-drop only takes into account looks, which I'm only semi interested in these days.

Now that I've abandoned my original assignment, where does this leave me?  I'll tell you where - in the uncomfortable land of self-reflection and changing old habits.  eek.  With some thorough pondering, I've figured out that I'm missing the skill set that clues guys I'm interested in into the fact that I am indeed, interested.  I'm also missing the skill set that guides me not toward the left-hand turn leading to the Land of Friendship, or the right hand turn directed toward Fun Buddy Island, but to the road straight down the center to Boyfriendville.  I clearly can't get from point A to BF (insert bad joke sound effect).

How's that for self-reflection?  (Okay, I can't take full credit, I've had some consultants weigh in on my insufficiencies).

Onto developing skill sets:  These skills, the ones that allow me to be normal, rather than completely awkward and unsure around love-interests, are the hardest skills for me to acquire.  I'm not quite sure when I became my own worst enemy, but I can see clearly that while I love the way my mind thinks in general work and social situations, when it comes to matters of the heart, my mind  paralyzes me.

Protecting my ego, preserving friendships, the fear of making somebody else uncomfortable...all reasons I've second - and third - guessed myself and my actions.  I worry about everything, all while ensuring my protective armor is in tact so I won't be made a fool.  I long to feel the way Beyonce portrays in Halo:  "Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down, and they didn't even put up a fight."  Can it really be that easy - or (more realistically) is that just good songwriting?

I see budding relationships everyday and wonder what the heck other girls are doing that I'm not.  Are they being verbally open with their feelings, texting more, being more available, brushing, touching, hinting more?  And at what point do those actions become pleas of desperation or considered too forward?  How might one know if these advances are welcomed?  I tell you what, I have no freaking clue.  I have quite possibly the WORST radar on the planet.  I think my success rate at guessing if people like me or not is probably around 5%, if even that high.  The guys that I think are all in and have  tons of potential really only think of me as just a friend - ugh. The ones that may actually like me for a bit, get shunned because it's not painted clear as day for me.  But of course, I'm not quite sure of this because again, my radar is broken.

*BIG SIGH.  I'm signing off here.

Day 15? - I'll take regular please

I remember in my early 20's, all I wanted was somebody hot...the more swagger the better.  I wanted glamour, lust, passion and fantasy.  I went through a lot of these types of men, becoming more and more disheartened and less-confident by the moment. I hit a breaking point last year.  I gave up on everybody and on the idea that I would ever find anybody who wasn't an asshole.

Which brings me to now.  I've found myself at a peaceful and content place.  I've found the value in numerous men since then.  I've found that nobody is going to fulfil my fantasy, but that doesn't mean that nobody will satisfy me.  I hate to say I've lowered my expectations, because I still expect a lot out of a future boyfriend, but I've changed my ideal relationships/interactions from the hot and unique to regular and honest.  As I near the next decade of my life, I find myself desiring regular - somebody who might not be a model-type, but may be the most handsome person in my own eyes.  Maybe this person has a hidden sense of humor that only comes out after the walls come down.  This guy surprises me by following through on the littlest things, reminding me that a man is indeed only as good as his word.

Through all this I find myself in the same place I started: single...only a little less bitter about it.

Day 10, 11, 12, 13 - quintessential chick lit in the flesh

I'm going to maintain my "worst blogger on the internet" status and gloss over days 10, 11, 12 and 13.

Friday i.e. Day 10: Dance Camp and Beavers baseball game outing
My co-workers, who are highly invested in the quest for me finding a boyfriend and in BF Training Wheels, had some suggestions when I told them how unsuccessful I have been at handing out my number to random strangers.  I've got to give credit where credit is due, because my co-workers had some fantastic suggestions.  The first and easiest was to pre-write down my number on a piece of paper and keep them in my pocket, so if the opportunity should present itself, I'll have no excuse to fail.  The second suggestion, which I thought was INGENIOUS, was an update from the old damsel in distress routine.  While waiting in line at the Beavers baseball game, if I should see a handsome stranger but have no way to strike up a conversation, I should order way too much food (for my "friends" of course) and ask him for help in carrying it back.  The third suggestion was great too, but at the moment, I can't remember what it was.

I saw one person about 20 feet away, however, I didn't want to get out of line, because I had been waiting in it for SO long, and I also was unsure if this prospect was of acceptable age.  I have a tendency to "pick em young," so without prior conversation, I didn't think the number dusting routine was going to be the best option. That was the extent of luck for Friday.
Unsuccessful = 10, successful = 0

Day 11 - Saturday -
Dance Camp. 20 girls, 0 boys.
nuff said

Day 12, Sunday -
Busy day today, and while I had no opportunities to number dust anybody, my friend Steven gave me a small escape from "single world" by being a great sport and attending happy hour and a dance concert with me, my friend Jill and her BF Casey.  Thanks Steven, it was nice to not be the third wheel for once.

Day 13 - Monday,

Work in the basement, lunch at Aztek Wiley's (sp?) and home.  I'm exhausted and haven't gone anywhere since I got home.  I realized I've turned into the quentssential chick lit character.  I'm sitting on my sofa, with a glass of red wine watching How Do I Look, a touching make-over story.  The worst part? I'm tearing up.  Don't worry, I held them in, but seriously, just call me Bridget Jones right now.

Please excuse the horrible writing....I'm too lazy to edit today.

Day 9 - Bloodshot eyes

I was so tired all of today (Thursday), and after work I went to the studio and taught two classes....which made me exhausted AND tired.

I went home at 9, showered, made myself 2 quesadillas in the microwave and poured a glass of wine. Uploaded dance videos, read 2 chapters of The Glass Castle and went to bed. 

Another great day being single, however, still unsuccessful at handing my number out to random -albeit handsome - strangers.

Unsuccessful = 9
Successful = 0