The Day After...

The following day, Sunday, I friend requested my new acquaintances.  All were super cute, successful, creative and fun people.  One of my new FB friends immediately emailed me.  Since he was wearing a shirt with a red cup on the front, I'll refer to him from here on out as Red Cup or RC, or Red, whatever sounds the best. Red Cup and I quickly exchanged numbers and continued the conversation via text and he invited me to happy hour/ dinner that night.  Well, he invited me to hawaiian food referencing a conversation we had the night previous, and I suggested Happy hour at PCG to get their yummy HH burgers and fries.

We agreed on 6pm and met there. Oddly enough we arrived in the parking lot at the EXACT same time and and parked 1 spot away from each other.  Technically I arrived right after him, because I actually followed him into the parking lot.  How would I know this, you ask?  Well I recognized his car...and not because I saw it the night previous...it's because I did my research like any safe single girl should do before going out on a date and Googled earlier in the day.  What I found out is that he drove a black Chrysler with rims and vanity plates.  Though I'm not one to LOVE vanity plates, and after registering my own car this year, and realizing the extra effort it takes to actually get them, I tried not to judge him for it.  At least he only has his middle name on there, instead of something horrible like "YUH8TEN."  Also, I'm not a huge fan of the quintessential professional black guy car, but he did purchase a couple years ago - in his mid-20's - so he gets a pass.  I have faith that if he buys a car in his 30's he'll surely know what to get, because as Jay-Z say's in his song "30 Something," he's young enough to know the right car to buy but old enough not to put rims on it.  But even so, we have two lessons here, 1) don't judge a book by it's cover and 2) Google is still the number 1 search engine. I'll probably add a third lesson to this list if he ever finds this blog and reads about how much I don't prefer his car, and that lesson will be, think of better pseudonyms for your characters.

We went in, sat, ate, drank, laughed and talked about everything over a course of three hours.  The biggest stand outs in my mind are our similarities regarding ambition, sense of humor and general disposition.  He laughed at my jokes and boosted my ego. 

Even though we had just spend three hours talking, we only had two drinks, so we decided to continue our "date" at Mint 820.  We each got one more drink, which he paid for.  After another hour of joking and laughing, the bar was closing, so we called it a night.  At the corner of the block, where we had to part ways, I gave him a lingering hug.  We separated but not completely and experienced the moment where you each think, "Should I?" Neither of us went in for the kiss.  I was holding steady, willing myself to not make the first move. 

But in the what seemed like forever before we pulled apart, I reminisced on the evening.  On the total of four hours that flew by and about how much laughter we shared. 

I was beaming on the way home.  I was happy to have shared a perfect evening with superb company, who was also quite handsome.

The successful column is making some headway :)
successful = 3
unsuccessful = still too many

2 for 2

Picking up where I left off, I went out the next night (Saturday) to a friend's going away party.  The venue was low-key with some friends and some strangers - who ended up being friends.  Keeping with my open-minded theme for the weekend, I talked with everybody.  I was actually having so much fun that I didn't even realize if i was or wasn't "looking"  I was just enjoying company, like minded individuals, good music and bailey's&hennessey.

After hopping around between a couple bars, making new friends, and visiting old ones, I decided to head home.  Though no number's were exchanged, I still consider this night at least 1/2 a success because I had such a freaking good time.

Playing Catch Up

Well, as you might have noticed,  it's been a while since my last post.  It's not for lack of news, it's because I'm lazy.  It takes work to be funny/clever/witty, and I just haven't had the motivation.  But, since I've gained some followers - I think I'm up to about 6 or 7 now - I figured I owed my loyal readers some updates.  Even though real life is way ahead, I think I'll post as if the things I haven't posted about in the last month are happening now.   Just go along with it.

Let's start on Random Friday 4 weeks ago.  I think the date would be Oct 22, 2010.

The Rosebuds danced at the Winterhawks game, and afterward, we danced at Dixie...in sparkly silver booty shorts.  I was in a good mood this weekend, and decided to be extra open-minded.  Usually at a bar, some random dude will make some sort effort to try and talk to me; and usually it's awkward dancing or lame one-liners, but even so, like I said...I wanted to be EXTRA open-minded.  At Dixie - after dancing on the bar and then changing into regular clothes - I was just chatting up some girlfriends when a guy came up and asked me to dance.  He was marginally attractive, definitely not tragic, though his light wash jeans and Affliction-inspired button up, complete with mismatching shoes and skinny tie weren't the most alluring.  Even so, I accepted the invitation and headed to the dance floor.  Two songs (and two floundering dances) later, I decided to head back to my bar stool.

I was proud of myself for not being a total jerk to that guy, even though his outfit was horrible, and his dancing was even worse.  I actually had an okay time through the two songs.  I sat there, proud, sipping my drink when yet another guy comes up with approach in hand.... "Why do you look so sad?"

I reply, "I'm not sad, my feet just hurt, I've been dancing all day."

He, obviously skeptical of my response and clearly not believing that I had indeed been dancing all day retorts, "Yeah, my feet are really sore too! I went to the corn maze this afternoon...I was in that thing forever!"

I giggle and respond, "Yeah, sounds rough!  I guess that's why they call it a maze."   I was actually pretty pleased with my clever comeback, and wondering where this cute youngster would take the conversation to next.  He exceeded all my expectations with, "Yes, it was a-MAZE-ing."

SOLD.

Cornmaze Jeremy and I danced and joked around all night, each trying to out wit the other.  He asked me (successfully) for my number and invited me on a date.  Winning line of the night?  Well, fellas, not sure if this will work for everybody, but it worked this time.  He offered me a sip of his drink with a simple, "Want a drink?"  I nodded yes.  As he held out his drink for me to sip from he said, "first a sip then a kiss."  It caught me just enough off-guard, that I really didn't have time to think of a reason why not.  Done and Done.  Successful Friday night!  Open-mindedness pays off!

Unsuccessful = 15????
Successful = .........1!!!!!!

Progress!

Perfecty played, but lost in overtime

Short version?  A cute IT guy came into work to give me a presentation of the latest promotional product.  Because I thought he was cute, I decided to email him.  After consulting with friends and co-workers, I came up with this final version and sent it:

Hi Dave,

it was really nice to meet you yesterday; thanks for stopping by to go through the system.  I’ll show my boss this afternoon so you can have the demo space back.    

Also, I don’t know if you've ever been to a Winterhawks game before, but I have 2 extra tickets for this Saturdays game if you’re interested.  I’ll be dancing that night (I’m on the dance team for the Winterhawks) and if you’ve never seen ice dancing, you don’t want to miss it. 

Thanks again and hopefully I'll see you sometime soon.

He responded with:

Hi Stephanie,

I would LOVE to see a game.  I've been to a few Winterhawks games before but it's been a few years.  Ice dancing is new and intriguing...

It was my pleasure to talk to you yesterday.  Let me know if you have any questions, want another demo for your boss, etc.

YIPPEE!!!!  After more consultation, and filtering down MANY options, I settled on this response:

Sounds great!  I’ll leave your tickets in Will Call – the game is at 7 in the Rose Garden. I'll be on the concourse before the game, so if you see me, please say hello! Here’s my cell if you have any trouble with the tix 208.630.4132.

 See you there :)

-Stephanie

In addition to this, I left a small note in the will call envelope saying something to the effect of:

My parents are in town this weekend, otherwise I'd invite you to a drink after the game.  Next game for sure! Hope you Enjoy!

Which brings us to today. I JUST received an email from Dave saying:

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks for the tix to Saturday's game - the Rosebuds put on a great show!  There was certainly a lot of enthusiasm in our section when you guys were on the floor.  It was too bad we couldn't hold on to the lead to the end.  It's been several years since I attended a Winterhawks game and that was the first down-to-the-wire shootout I've seen.  

 THE END. 

I guess another one bites the dust, but I can take comfort in the fact that I put forth the effort and played my part perfectly.  I'll chalk it up to practice, I guess.

Missed opportunity

Sometimes for insight, I'll read back through my previous writings.  I like to recall where certain situations  started, the drama I felt within that moment, and then gain perspective from the present.  A certain situation I recently read about hasn't offered me much growth, only a bit of distance.
I was hit with the bittersweet pang of nostalgia and wanted to share this particular unsent letter:

Last week when everybody left
and I gave you a ride home,
your hand brushed mine -
though you kept it light.

My mind wandered
and I could barely keep my cool.

I said nothing in response to your small talk and
kept my breathing steady.

But when I looked over
and glimpsed your smile,
the flashbacks of what we could've been
replayed in my mind -
my fantasies of you and I together
laughing, dancing, loving, sexing
ugh, you had no idea.
you just kept us in reality.

Because you've already got a girl
and would do her no wrong,
and I don't want to intrude,
but I want you know that I wish you would've waited for me.

In the midst of your small talk you mentioned one thing that stuck in my head.
You said, "You and me - we're too late."

too late.

It's been a while...

It's been a while for a lot of things.  1) a blog post, 2) a feeling of security, 3)(the reason for this blog) a Boyfriend.

So as we can guess by now, I've given up on the idea of of dropping my phone number off with a random stranger.  I can't explain why that method isn't for me other than it isn't.  If I had to pinpoint the reason, I'd say it's probably because I'm beyond the phase in life where I'm fooled by good looks and I'm onto the phase of life where making me laugh can be the sexiest thing a man can do. A drive-by number-drop only takes into account looks, which I'm only semi interested in these days.

Now that I've abandoned my original assignment, where does this leave me?  I'll tell you where - in the uncomfortable land of self-reflection and changing old habits.  eek.  With some thorough pondering, I've figured out that I'm missing the skill set that clues guys I'm interested in into the fact that I am indeed, interested.  I'm also missing the skill set that guides me not toward the left-hand turn leading to the Land of Friendship, or the right hand turn directed toward Fun Buddy Island, but to the road straight down the center to Boyfriendville.  I clearly can't get from point A to BF (insert bad joke sound effect).

How's that for self-reflection?  (Okay, I can't take full credit, I've had some consultants weigh in on my insufficiencies).

Onto developing skill sets:  These skills, the ones that allow me to be normal, rather than completely awkward and unsure around love-interests, are the hardest skills for me to acquire.  I'm not quite sure when I became my own worst enemy, but I can see clearly that while I love the way my mind thinks in general work and social situations, when it comes to matters of the heart, my mind  paralyzes me.

Protecting my ego, preserving friendships, the fear of making somebody else uncomfortable...all reasons I've second - and third - guessed myself and my actions.  I worry about everything, all while ensuring my protective armor is in tact so I won't be made a fool.  I long to feel the way Beyonce portrays in Halo:  "Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down, and they didn't even put up a fight."  Can it really be that easy - or (more realistically) is that just good songwriting?

I see budding relationships everyday and wonder what the heck other girls are doing that I'm not.  Are they being verbally open with their feelings, texting more, being more available, brushing, touching, hinting more?  And at what point do those actions become pleas of desperation or considered too forward?  How might one know if these advances are welcomed?  I tell you what, I have no freaking clue.  I have quite possibly the WORST radar on the planet.  I think my success rate at guessing if people like me or not is probably around 5%, if even that high.  The guys that I think are all in and have  tons of potential really only think of me as just a friend - ugh. The ones that may actually like me for a bit, get shunned because it's not painted clear as day for me.  But of course, I'm not quite sure of this because again, my radar is broken.

*BIG SIGH.  I'm signing off here.

Day 15? - I'll take regular please

I remember in my early 20's, all I wanted was somebody hot...the more swagger the better.  I wanted glamour, lust, passion and fantasy.  I went through a lot of these types of men, becoming more and more disheartened and less-confident by the moment. I hit a breaking point last year.  I gave up on everybody and on the idea that I would ever find anybody who wasn't an asshole.

Which brings me to now.  I've found myself at a peaceful and content place.  I've found the value in numerous men since then.  I've found that nobody is going to fulfil my fantasy, but that doesn't mean that nobody will satisfy me.  I hate to say I've lowered my expectations, because I still expect a lot out of a future boyfriend, but I've changed my ideal relationships/interactions from the hot and unique to regular and honest.  As I near the next decade of my life, I find myself desiring regular - somebody who might not be a model-type, but may be the most handsome person in my own eyes.  Maybe this person has a hidden sense of humor that only comes out after the walls come down.  This guy surprises me by following through on the littlest things, reminding me that a man is indeed only as good as his word.

Through all this I find myself in the same place I started: single...only a little less bitter about it.

Day 10, 11, 12, 13 - quintessential chick lit in the flesh

I'm going to maintain my "worst blogger on the internet" status and gloss over days 10, 11, 12 and 13.

Friday i.e. Day 10: Dance Camp and Beavers baseball game outing
My co-workers, who are highly invested in the quest for me finding a boyfriend and in BF Training Wheels, had some suggestions when I told them how unsuccessful I have been at handing out my number to random strangers.  I've got to give credit where credit is due, because my co-workers had some fantastic suggestions.  The first and easiest was to pre-write down my number on a piece of paper and keep them in my pocket, so if the opportunity should present itself, I'll have no excuse to fail.  The second suggestion, which I thought was INGENIOUS, was an update from the old damsel in distress routine.  While waiting in line at the Beavers baseball game, if I should see a handsome stranger but have no way to strike up a conversation, I should order way too much food (for my "friends" of course) and ask him for help in carrying it back.  The third suggestion was great too, but at the moment, I can't remember what it was.

I saw one person about 20 feet away, however, I didn't want to get out of line, because I had been waiting in it for SO long, and I also was unsure if this prospect was of acceptable age.  I have a tendency to "pick em young," so without prior conversation, I didn't think the number dusting routine was going to be the best option. That was the extent of luck for Friday.
Unsuccessful = 10, successful = 0

Day 11 - Saturday -
Dance Camp. 20 girls, 0 boys.
nuff said

Day 12, Sunday -
Busy day today, and while I had no opportunities to number dust anybody, my friend Steven gave me a small escape from "single world" by being a great sport and attending happy hour and a dance concert with me, my friend Jill and her BF Casey.  Thanks Steven, it was nice to not be the third wheel for once.

Day 13 - Monday,

Work in the basement, lunch at Aztek Wiley's (sp?) and home.  I'm exhausted and haven't gone anywhere since I got home.  I realized I've turned into the quentssential chick lit character.  I'm sitting on my sofa, with a glass of red wine watching How Do I Look, a touching make-over story.  The worst part? I'm tearing up.  Don't worry, I held them in, but seriously, just call me Bridget Jones right now.

Please excuse the horrible writing....I'm too lazy to edit today.

Day 9 - Bloodshot eyes

I was so tired all of today (Thursday), and after work I went to the studio and taught two classes....which made me exhausted AND tired.

I went home at 9, showered, made myself 2 quesadillas in the microwave and poured a glass of wine. Uploaded dance videos, read 2 chapters of The Glass Castle and went to bed. 

Another great day being single, however, still unsuccessful at handing my number out to random -albeit handsome - strangers.

Unsuccessful = 9
Successful = 0

Day 8 - Good Friend, Good Food

Again, my opportunity to recruit new men into my realm of.....being single was quite slim today. I went to work and was thoroughly entertained all day and then celebrated a night off of dancing with a delicious dinner cooked by my friend, Steven.  Other than being paranoid that his "grill" was going to light the house on fire, I had a great and relaxing night filled with some clever jokes (not all were gems), quasi-deep conversation, and Tosh.0.

However, despite the fun factor of the day, I still failed miserably in finding somebody to give my number to.

Unsuccessful = 8
Successful = 0

Day 7 - A half a baker's dozen worth of donut holes

I had a mini epiphany today...I think one of the major reasons I haven't had a bf in 7 years is that I absolutely adore and love my guy friends. LOVE. I find so much emotional pleasure and satisfaction from these guys that after days like today, I already feel fulfilled.

Ladies, I know how to pick 'em, apparently I just can't get them for myself.

Maybe that won't sound so epiphanyish tomorrow.  I'll let you know.


>>>>>UPDATE and RECAP.

This still sounds like an epiphany today (4 days later), and moreover, I think I've had another one: I think I've been single for so long because I like variety and freedom.  This still doesn't solve the dilemma of having variety yet having stability.  If anybody has any suggestions for that one....let me know.

Day 6 - A case of the Mondays

I don't even have a clever spin on today.

i worked, went to dance, talked with my girlfriend, came home, now it's 12:32 am and I need to go to bed because I have to be up at 6.

unsuccessful = 6
successful =0

Day 5 - Stripperland

So again, I'm HORRIBLE at blogging, but I will come back through and elaborate on these insufficient posts.

So, I don't forget here's a recap of Day 5 - Sunday aka Stripperday

Randomly and spontaneously we got booked to be zombie dancers for Stripperland, a movie staring Daniel Baldwin as rapper Double D.

lots of cute prospects.  the farmer with his throat slashed.  the make up artist, the farmer with bite marks, the videographer whom I swear I know from somewhere.  The other videographer.  Unfortunately i looked like I had gotten pummelled with a shovel to the side fo the face a couple times and i had fake corn syrup blood matting my hair and running down my body...not to mention the rotten zombie teeth.
 


not optimal conditions to be handing out numbers.  plus i had no pockets in which to store a pen and paper.


unsuccessful = 5
successful = 0

Day 4 - Clothing Optional

I'm too tired to write this installment with the appropriate amount of cleverness and editing. But i'd like to recap the night with some notes so I can elaborate tomorrow.

1) nude beach
2) Thirsty lion...they don't call it thirsty for nothin.

- getting "wing manned" by Alli (a girl) - she;s the only one i gave my number to tonight.  Would that count as successful or unsuccessful?

Thirsty thirsty thirsty....should I go out with vickie more often???

Day 3- Washed Up?

Day three was Friday (post written in past tense, because I'm FINALLY updating). I stayed in my office for all of the day, so the possibity of finding a Dew Tour participant to be my future boyfriend was slim to none - with none being the clear winner.

At 4:00 the office closed early (thank YOU, Mr. President...of the company), and my co-worker/friend and I went to get $10 manicures and martinis.  On 1st and Ash is the Beauty Bar, a very girly, vintage-y bar, where the bartender traded stiff drinks for free hockey tickets.  After 2 drinks for me and 3 for my friend, we found ourselves upstairs, in an great bout of girl talk surrounded by light pink walls and retro hair dryers.  Though we had was an excellent time, I think it's safe to say, if there WERE a man in this place at this particular time, he MOST LIKELY wasn't going to be bf material....at least not for me.

On the way home I stopped by a "friends" house....which brings up an option I didn't discuss earlier.  I'm going to call this option12, because simply it's option 1 (friend) and 2 (cut buddy) put together...why option 12 and not 3? Well, option three has already been designated BF.

Me and my option 12 talked, listened to music, did a little "catching up" and I was on my way home.  By this time it was about 9:30 at night, and I still had plans to go out...after all, I've made it a personal resolution to be less of a loser/loner.  I met my friend John aka Bams (option 1) out at a night club.  This would've been prime territory to try the number trick, only the guys there were way too young and my friend Roz says that I need to start looking at guys my own age.  However, if there were somebody I found attractive enough for me to give my number to, age wouldn't have been nothin but a number.  Alas, I tuckered out at 1230 and drove home.  Day three unsuccessful.
Unsuccessful = 3
Successful =0

Day 2 - Zoom Zoom

Day 2 = Thursday.  Not much going on as far as being out and about today. 

I started the day at the Sherwin Williams paint store.  One of the employees, Adam (as his shirt told me) was pretty cute, and could tell he thought I was cute because any time I got close to his counter he would start to studder a little more....awwww.  I might have tried the flirting angle with him except his co-worker was quicker to the open cash register and ended up checking me out (literaly....like on the cash register) instead.

After buying paint and one paintbrush, I headed into the MC (MC=Memorial Coliseum), where I work in a basement.  Because I work in a basement, there aren't too many opportunities to meet handsome passerbys.  However, today there were LOTS of handsome passerbys because the MC is also home to the Dew Tour that passes through once a year.  This means today presented the opportunity to run into a plethora of adorable, thrill-seeking skater-type guys.  I saw a couple that would definitely have qualified for the old write-your-number-on-a-piece-of-paper-and-give-it-to-them-then-disappear trick, except all these adorable thrill-seekers were riding bikes, 4-wheelers, and other various toys around instead of leisurely walking, meaning the time in which I could pass my number along totaled about 0.2 seconds -- I'm quick, but I'm not that freaking quick. 

So, today will have to go in the unsuccessful column because adorable, thrill-seeking boys zooming by on fun toys apparently aren't future boyfriend material....for now.

Unsuccessful = 2
Successful = 0

Day 1 - Partial Recycle

Before I recap today's results, I'll summarize my plight.  In short, I haven't had a "boyfriend" since 2003.  That's a long time, and I've come to realize I don't even know how to go about getting a boyfriend.  Enter the challenge. 

My friend Steven encouraged me to try a different game.  He suggested simply writing my number on a piece of paper, handing it out to whomever I see fit, then disappearing "like Bugs Bunny."

Excellent idea, though I have a feeling there will be some slight modifications along the way in my methodology.

My challenge simply put is to find a boyfriend.  In the past 7 years with every man I've hung out with I've either become 1) a buddy or 2) a cutty buddy.  So my challenge is to succeed at the 3rd option, if for no other reason than for the practice....or to prove to myself, and my friend Steve, that I am indeed capable of finding a boyfriend.

UGH

Day #1

I didn't hand out my number on a piece of paper today, but I felt it a stroke of fate that I ran randomly into an unexplored possibility at the bank during my lunch break today.  This fellow, I'll call him "Cute and Tall Lil' Wayne" or CTLW for short, is a nice and charming guy.  I met him months ago at a club (dun dun dun) but haven't defaulted to either of my options yet (see above). Therefore, in my challenge, he still qualifies as a possibility.  I walked out of the bank only to come face to face with CTLW.

"Well well well," I say as I try to keep my face from turning BEET red.

He is surprised to see me too and we small talk for just a second.  Probably 10 seconds to be exact.  After we quickly run out of things to say, CTLW says, "what time do you get off work?"
I find this to be a promising sign, as it's SURELY not a brush off.  I say 5:30, though I have dance rehearsal til 10:30 or so.  He mentions that I should "contact him."  CTLW is unclear if that means after rehersal or in general, but I just go with it.

Fast foward to the end of practice 9:37pm.  I text CTWL to say that I'm done early and is he off work yet?

His response?


........
.......
......
....

Day 1? I think it goes in the unsuccessful column.  But for number's sake, I won't give up on CTLW just yet.

Unsuccessful  = 1
Successful = 0