I remember in my early 20's, all I wanted was somebody hot...the more swagger the better. I wanted glamour, lust, passion and fantasy. I went through a lot of these types of men, becoming more and more disheartened and less-confident by the moment. I hit a breaking point last year. I gave up on everybody and on the idea that I would ever find anybody who wasn't an asshole.
Which brings me to now. I've found myself at a peaceful and content place. I've found the value in numerous men since then. I've found that nobody is going to fulfil my fantasy, but that doesn't mean that nobody will satisfy me. I hate to say I've lowered my expectations, because I still expect a lot out of a future boyfriend, but I've changed my ideal relationships/interactions from the hot and unique to regular and honest. As I near the next decade of my life, I find myself desiring regular - somebody who might not be a model-type, but may be the most handsome person in my own eyes. Maybe this person has a hidden sense of humor that only comes out after the walls come down. This guy surprises me by following through on the littlest things, reminding me that a man is indeed only as good as his word.
Through all this I find myself in the same place I started: single...only a little less bitter about it.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Day 10, 11, 12, 13 - quintessential chick lit in the flesh
I'm going to maintain my "worst blogger on the internet" status and gloss over days 10, 11, 12 and 13.
Friday i.e. Day 10: Dance Camp and Beavers baseball game outing
My co-workers, who are highly invested in the quest for me finding a boyfriend and in BF Training Wheels, had some suggestions when I told them how unsuccessful I have been at handing out my number to random strangers. I've got to give credit where credit is due, because my co-workers had some fantastic suggestions. The first and easiest was to pre-write down my number on a piece of paper and keep them in my pocket, so if the opportunity should present itself, I'll have no excuse to fail. The second suggestion, which I thought was INGENIOUS, was an update from the old damsel in distress routine. While waiting in line at the Beavers baseball game, if I should see a handsome stranger but have no way to strike up a conversation, I should order way too much food (for my "friends" of course) and ask him for help in carrying it back. The third suggestion was great too, but at the moment, I can't remember what it was.
I saw one person about 20 feet away, however, I didn't want to get out of line, because I had been waiting in it for SO long, and I also was unsure if this prospect was of acceptable age. I have a tendency to "pick em young," so without prior conversation, I didn't think the number dusting routine was going to be the best option. That was the extent of luck for Friday.
Unsuccessful = 10, successful = 0
Day 11 - Saturday -
Dance Camp. 20 girls, 0 boys.
nuff said
Day 12, Sunday -
Busy day today, and while I had no opportunities to number dust anybody, my friend Steven gave me a small escape from "single world" by being a great sport and attending happy hour and a dance concert with me, my friend Jill and her BF Casey. Thanks Steven, it was nice to not be the third wheel for once.
Day 13 - Monday,
Work in the basement, lunch at Aztek Wiley's (sp?) and home. I'm exhausted and haven't gone anywhere since I got home. I realized I've turned into the quentssential chick lit character. I'm sitting on my sofa, with a glass of red wine watching How Do I Look, a touching make-over story. The worst part? I'm tearing up. Don't worry, I held them in, but seriously, just call me Bridget Jones right now.
Please excuse the horrible writing....I'm too lazy to edit today.
Friday i.e. Day 10: Dance Camp and Beavers baseball game outing
My co-workers, who are highly invested in the quest for me finding a boyfriend and in BF Training Wheels, had some suggestions when I told them how unsuccessful I have been at handing out my number to random strangers. I've got to give credit where credit is due, because my co-workers had some fantastic suggestions. The first and easiest was to pre-write down my number on a piece of paper and keep them in my pocket, so if the opportunity should present itself, I'll have no excuse to fail. The second suggestion, which I thought was INGENIOUS, was an update from the old damsel in distress routine. While waiting in line at the Beavers baseball game, if I should see a handsome stranger but have no way to strike up a conversation, I should order way too much food (for my "friends" of course) and ask him for help in carrying it back. The third suggestion was great too, but at the moment, I can't remember what it was.
I saw one person about 20 feet away, however, I didn't want to get out of line, because I had been waiting in it for SO long, and I also was unsure if this prospect was of acceptable age. I have a tendency to "pick em young," so without prior conversation, I didn't think the number dusting routine was going to be the best option. That was the extent of luck for Friday.
Unsuccessful = 10, successful = 0
Day 11 - Saturday -
Dance Camp. 20 girls, 0 boys.
nuff said
Day 12, Sunday -
Busy day today, and while I had no opportunities to number dust anybody, my friend Steven gave me a small escape from "single world" by being a great sport and attending happy hour and a dance concert with me, my friend Jill and her BF Casey. Thanks Steven, it was nice to not be the third wheel for once.
Day 13 - Monday,
Work in the basement, lunch at Aztek Wiley's (sp?) and home. I'm exhausted and haven't gone anywhere since I got home. I realized I've turned into the quentssential chick lit character. I'm sitting on my sofa, with a glass of red wine watching How Do I Look, a touching make-over story. The worst part? I'm tearing up. Don't worry, I held them in, but seriously, just call me Bridget Jones right now.
Please excuse the horrible writing....I'm too lazy to edit today.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Day 9 - Bloodshot eyes
I was so tired all of today (Thursday), and after work I went to the studio and taught two classes....which made me exhausted AND tired.
I went home at 9, showered, made myself 2 quesadillas in the microwave and poured a glass of wine. Uploaded dance videos, read 2 chapters of The Glass Castle and went to bed.
Another great day being single, however, still unsuccessful at handing my number out to random -albeit handsome - strangers.
Unsuccessful = 9
Successful = 0
I went home at 9, showered, made myself 2 quesadillas in the microwave and poured a glass of wine. Uploaded dance videos, read 2 chapters of The Glass Castle and went to bed.
Another great day being single, however, still unsuccessful at handing my number out to random -albeit handsome - strangers.
Unsuccessful = 9
Successful = 0
Day 8 - Good Friend, Good Food
Again, my opportunity to recruit new men into my realm of.....being single was quite slim today. I went to work and was thoroughly entertained all day and then celebrated a night off of dancing with a delicious dinner cooked by my friend, Steven. Other than being paranoid that his "grill" was going to light the house on fire, I had a great and relaxing night filled with some clever jokes (not all were gems), quasi-deep conversation, and Tosh.0.
However, despite the fun factor of the day, I still failed miserably in finding somebody to give my number to.
Unsuccessful = 8
Successful = 0
However, despite the fun factor of the day, I still failed miserably in finding somebody to give my number to.
Unsuccessful = 8
Successful = 0
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 7 - A half a baker's dozen worth of donut holes
I had a mini epiphany today...I think one of the major reasons I haven't had a bf in 7 years is that I absolutely adore and love my guy friends. LOVE. I find so much emotional pleasure and satisfaction from these guys that after days like today, I already feel fulfilled.
Ladies, I know how to pick 'em, apparently I just can't get them for myself.
Maybe that won't sound so epiphanyish tomorrow. I'll let you know.
>>>>>UPDATE and RECAP.
This still sounds like an epiphany today (4 days later), and moreover, I think I've had another one: I think I've been single for so long because I like variety and freedom. This still doesn't solve the dilemma of having variety yet having stability. If anybody has any suggestions for that one....let me know.
Ladies, I know how to pick 'em, apparently I just can't get them for myself.
Maybe that won't sound so epiphanyish tomorrow. I'll let you know.
>>>>>UPDATE and RECAP.
This still sounds like an epiphany today (4 days later), and moreover, I think I've had another one: I think I've been single for so long because I like variety and freedom. This still doesn't solve the dilemma of having variety yet having stability. If anybody has any suggestions for that one....let me know.
Day 6 - A case of the Mondays
I don't even have a clever spin on today.
i worked, went to dance, talked with my girlfriend, came home, now it's 12:32 am and I need to go to bed because I have to be up at 6.
unsuccessful = 6
successful =0
i worked, went to dance, talked with my girlfriend, came home, now it's 12:32 am and I need to go to bed because I have to be up at 6.
unsuccessful = 6
successful =0
Day 5 - Stripperland
So again, I'm HORRIBLE at blogging, but I will come back through and elaborate on these insufficient posts.
So, I don't forget here's a recap of Day 5 - Sunday aka Stripperday
Randomly and spontaneously we got booked to be zombie dancers for Stripperland, a movie staring Daniel Baldwin as rapper Double D.
lots of cute prospects. the farmer with his throat slashed. the make up artist, the farmer with bite marks, the videographer whom I swear I know from somewhere. The other videographer. Unfortunately i looked like I had gotten pummelled with a shovel to the side fo the face a couple times and i had fake corn syrup blood matting my hair and running down my body...not to mention the rotten zombie teeth.
not optimal conditions to be handing out numbers. plus i had no pockets in which to store a pen and paper.
unsuccessful = 5
successful = 0
So, I don't forget here's a recap of Day 5 - Sunday aka Stripperday
Randomly and spontaneously we got booked to be zombie dancers for Stripperland, a movie staring Daniel Baldwin as rapper Double D.
lots of cute prospects. the farmer with his throat slashed. the make up artist, the farmer with bite marks, the videographer whom I swear I know from somewhere. The other videographer. Unfortunately i looked like I had gotten pummelled with a shovel to the side fo the face a couple times and i had fake corn syrup blood matting my hair and running down my body...not to mention the rotten zombie teeth.
not optimal conditions to be handing out numbers. plus i had no pockets in which to store a pen and paper.
unsuccessful = 5
successful = 0
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Day 4 - Clothing Optional
I'm too tired to write this installment with the appropriate amount of cleverness and editing. But i'd like to recap the night with some notes so I can elaborate tomorrow.
1) nude beach
2) Thirsty lion...they don't call it thirsty for nothin.
- getting "wing manned" by Alli (a girl) - she;s the only one i gave my number to tonight. Would that count as successful or unsuccessful?
Thirsty thirsty thirsty....should I go out with vickie more often???
1) nude beach
2) Thirsty lion...they don't call it thirsty for nothin.
- getting "wing manned" by Alli (a girl) - she;s the only one i gave my number to tonight. Would that count as successful or unsuccessful?
Thirsty thirsty thirsty....should I go out with vickie more often???
Day 3- Washed Up?
Day three was Friday (post written in past tense, because I'm FINALLY updating). I stayed in my office for all of the day, so the possibity of finding a Dew Tour participant to be my future boyfriend was slim to none - with none being the clear winner.
At 4:00 the office closed early (thank YOU, Mr. President...of the company), and my co-worker/friend and I went to get $10 manicures and martinis. On 1st and Ash is the Beauty Bar, a very girly, vintage-y bar, where the bartender traded stiff drinks for free hockey tickets. After 2 drinks for me and 3 for my friend, we found ourselves upstairs, in an great bout of girl talk surrounded by light pink walls and retro hair dryers. Though we had was an excellent time, I think it's safe to say, if there WERE a man in this place at this particular time, he MOST LIKELY wasn't going to be bf material....at least not for me.
On the way home I stopped by a "friends" house....which brings up an option I didn't discuss earlier. I'm going to call this option12, because simply it's option 1 (friend) and 2 (cut buddy) put together...why option 12 and not 3? Well, option three has already been designated BF.
Me and my option 12 talked, listened to music, did a little "catching up" and I was on my way home. By this time it was about 9:30 at night, and I still had plans to go out...after all, I've made it a personal resolution to be less of a loser/loner. I met my friend John aka Bams (option 1) out at a night club. This would've been prime territory to try the number trick, only the guys there were way too young and my friend Roz says that I need to start looking at guys my own age. However, if there were somebody I found attractive enough for me to give my number to, age wouldn't have been nothin but a number. Alas, I tuckered out at 1230 and drove home. Day three unsuccessful.
Unsuccessful = 3
Successful =0
At 4:00 the office closed early (thank YOU, Mr. President...of the company), and my co-worker/friend and I went to get $10 manicures and martinis. On 1st and Ash is the Beauty Bar, a very girly, vintage-y bar, where the bartender traded stiff drinks for free hockey tickets. After 2 drinks for me and 3 for my friend, we found ourselves upstairs, in an great bout of girl talk surrounded by light pink walls and retro hair dryers. Though we had was an excellent time, I think it's safe to say, if there WERE a man in this place at this particular time, he MOST LIKELY wasn't going to be bf material....at least not for me.
On the way home I stopped by a "friends" house....which brings up an option I didn't discuss earlier. I'm going to call this option12, because simply it's option 1 (friend) and 2 (cut buddy) put together...why option 12 and not 3? Well, option three has already been designated BF.
Me and my option 12 talked, listened to music, did a little "catching up" and I was on my way home. By this time it was about 9:30 at night, and I still had plans to go out...after all, I've made it a personal resolution to be less of a loser/loner. I met my friend John aka Bams (option 1) out at a night club. This would've been prime territory to try the number trick, only the guys there were way too young and my friend Roz says that I need to start looking at guys my own age. However, if there were somebody I found attractive enough for me to give my number to, age wouldn't have been nothin but a number. Alas, I tuckered out at 1230 and drove home. Day three unsuccessful.
Unsuccessful = 3
Successful =0
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Day 2 - Zoom Zoom
Day 2 = Thursday. Not much going on as far as being out and about today.
I started the day at the Sherwin Williams paint store. One of the employees, Adam (as his shirt told me) was pretty cute, and could tell he thought I was cute because any time I got close to his counter he would start to studder a little more....awwww. I might have tried the flirting angle with him except his co-worker was quicker to the open cash register and ended up checking me out (literaly....like on the cash register) instead.
After buying paint and one paintbrush, I headed into the MC (MC=Memorial Coliseum), where I work in a basement. Because I work in a basement, there aren't too many opportunities to meet handsome passerbys. However, today there were LOTS of handsome passerbys because the MC is also home to the Dew Tour that passes through once a year. This means today presented the opportunity to run into a plethora of adorable, thrill-seeking skater-type guys. I saw a couple that would definitely have qualified for the old write-your-number-on-a-piece-of-paper-and-give-it-to-them-then-disappear trick, except all these adorable thrill-seekers were riding bikes, 4-wheelers, and other various toys around instead of leisurely walking, meaning the time in which I could pass my number along totaled about 0.2 seconds -- I'm quick, but I'm not that freaking quick.
So, today will have to go in the unsuccessful column because adorable, thrill-seeking boys zooming by on fun toys apparently aren't future boyfriend material....for now.
Unsuccessful = 2
Successful = 0
I started the day at the Sherwin Williams paint store. One of the employees, Adam (as his shirt told me) was pretty cute, and could tell he thought I was cute because any time I got close to his counter he would start to studder a little more....awwww. I might have tried the flirting angle with him except his co-worker was quicker to the open cash register and ended up checking me out (literaly....like on the cash register) instead.
After buying paint and one paintbrush, I headed into the MC (MC=Memorial Coliseum), where I work in a basement. Because I work in a basement, there aren't too many opportunities to meet handsome passerbys. However, today there were LOTS of handsome passerbys because the MC is also home to the Dew Tour that passes through once a year. This means today presented the opportunity to run into a plethora of adorable, thrill-seeking skater-type guys. I saw a couple that would definitely have qualified for the old write-your-number-on-a-piece-of-paper-and-give-it-to-them-then-disappear trick, except all these adorable thrill-seekers were riding bikes, 4-wheelers, and other various toys around instead of leisurely walking, meaning the time in which I could pass my number along totaled about 0.2 seconds -- I'm quick, but I'm not that freaking quick.
So, today will have to go in the unsuccessful column because adorable, thrill-seeking boys zooming by on fun toys apparently aren't future boyfriend material....for now.
Unsuccessful = 2
Successful = 0
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Day 1 - Partial Recycle
Before I recap today's results, I'll summarize my plight. In short, I haven't had a "boyfriend" since 2003. That's a long time, and I've come to realize I don't even know how to go about getting a boyfriend. Enter the challenge.
My friend Steven encouraged me to try a different game. He suggested simply writing my number on a piece of paper, handing it out to whomever I see fit, then disappearing "like Bugs Bunny."
Excellent idea, though I have a feeling there will be some slight modifications along the way in my methodology.
My challenge simply put is to find a boyfriend. In the past 7 years with every man I've hung out with I've either become 1) a buddy or 2) a cutty buddy. So my challenge is to succeed at the 3rd option, if for no other reason than for the practice....or to prove to myself, and my friend Steve, that I am indeed capable of finding a boyfriend.
UGH
Day #1
I didn't hand out my number on a piece of paper today, but I felt it a stroke of fate that I ran randomly into an unexplored possibility at the bank during my lunch break today. This fellow, I'll call him "Cute and Tall Lil' Wayne" or CTLW for short, is a nice and charming guy. I met him months ago at a club (dun dun dun) but haven't defaulted to either of my options yet (see above). Therefore, in my challenge, he still qualifies as a possibility. I walked out of the bank only to come face to face with CTLW.
"Well well well," I say as I try to keep my face from turning BEET red.
He is surprised to see me too and we small talk for just a second. Probably 10 seconds to be exact. After we quickly run out of things to say, CTLW says, "what time do you get off work?"
I find this to be a promising sign, as it's SURELY not a brush off. I say 5:30, though I have dance rehearsal til 10:30 or so. He mentions that I should "contact him." CTLW is unclear if that means after rehersal or in general, but I just go with it.
Fast foward to the end of practice 9:37pm. I text CTWL to say that I'm done early and is he off work yet?
His response?
........
.......
......
....
Day 1? I think it goes in the unsuccessful column. But for number's sake, I won't give up on CTLW just yet.
Unsuccessful = 1
Successful = 0
My friend Steven encouraged me to try a different game. He suggested simply writing my number on a piece of paper, handing it out to whomever I see fit, then disappearing "like Bugs Bunny."
Excellent idea, though I have a feeling there will be some slight modifications along the way in my methodology.
My challenge simply put is to find a boyfriend. In the past 7 years with every man I've hung out with I've either become 1) a buddy or 2) a cutty buddy. So my challenge is to succeed at the 3rd option, if for no other reason than for the practice....or to prove to myself, and my friend Steve, that I am indeed capable of finding a boyfriend.
UGH
Day #1
I didn't hand out my number on a piece of paper today, but I felt it a stroke of fate that I ran randomly into an unexplored possibility at the bank during my lunch break today. This fellow, I'll call him "Cute and Tall Lil' Wayne" or CTLW for short, is a nice and charming guy. I met him months ago at a club (dun dun dun) but haven't defaulted to either of my options yet (see above). Therefore, in my challenge, he still qualifies as a possibility. I walked out of the bank only to come face to face with CTLW.
"Well well well," I say as I try to keep my face from turning BEET red.
He is surprised to see me too and we small talk for just a second. Probably 10 seconds to be exact. After we quickly run out of things to say, CTLW says, "what time do you get off work?"
I find this to be a promising sign, as it's SURELY not a brush off. I say 5:30, though I have dance rehearsal til 10:30 or so. He mentions that I should "contact him." CTLW is unclear if that means after rehersal or in general, but I just go with it.
Fast foward to the end of practice 9:37pm. I text CTWL to say that I'm done early and is he off work yet?
His response?
........
.......
......
....
Day 1? I think it goes in the unsuccessful column. But for number's sake, I won't give up on CTLW just yet.
Unsuccessful = 1
Successful = 0
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